Monday, September 1, 2008

Party talk

Rad and I were talking about one difference between men and women in the scene. He says women talk LOTS more than men. That's true of me. When I have a a bad thing happen, I talk. Sometimes I just need to talk; I need to ask how I should have handled something, whether I handled it right or wrong, etc., etc. If I sense that what happened was NOT the top's fault (i.e., we didn't communicate enough prior to the scene, or I didn't speak up at a moment when I should have spoken up), then I really try hard not to name names. It's not fair to someone, ESPECIALLY if he is new and inexperienced and still finding his way.

More often, I find myself talking after a GOOD scene, (especially someone I've never met before, someone who's at his first party). I want to spread the word. "Have you played with S.? OMG, he's so good." Why? Can't exactly say. Part of me wants other women to have a good time, part of me wants the new guy to get better known so HE has a good time and keeps coming back, part of me feels like I've just "discovered" something and I want to talk about it. But yes, I do talk. And I've seen other women talk. I've had WONDERFUL scenes because I've chosen to play with someone who was recommended to me. It happened twice this weekend.

Men, on the other hand, at least according to Rad, don't share such information. Instead, he says, they "hoard." They don't want other guys finding out about the hot scene they just did, because then there will be competition. The babe they just played with needs to keep playing with HIM, not other guys. She might end up liking the other guys more. (is that what the thought is?)

I do admit it's not entirely a man thing. When I have a really hot scene with someone where I feel like we just clicked instantly and he knew EXACTLY what I needed and he pushed me and controlled me just right, I tend to want to think that I am the only one who can take it as much as I've just taken it. I want to think we just shared something really, really unique that only happened because he and I converged at this moment in time and bonded in a way that could never happen with anyone else he plays with.

Then I run into someone else he's played with and she has the same blissful look on her face when she talks about playing with him. And I start to think maybe I wasn't so special. I hate feeling that way, because what happens is it's usually some female friend who you really like and you don't want these jealous feelings popping up, these negative emotions. (I'm thinking, "Oh, you might have 'enjoyed' playing with him, but he and I traveled to heights never reached before.")

This is what I mean when I talk about competitiveness. And I HAVE to nip it in the bud, because I don't want to be competitive. I want to CONNECT with people. We CAN play with the same person and have different experiences. And even if the experiences are similar, it doesn't make one less special than the other.


Anonymous said...


You've made some great observations here, both about men/women and yourself.

I've never thought about the competetive aspect of playing before. I know I feel that way about other things in my world. tho.

I am glad you and Rad had a tremendous time.


Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

You don't feel that way, Laura? I'm always curious about others and how they react to play, etc. It helps me to write out these things, too, to identify them and perhaps work on improving in areas where I'd rather be connecting than competing.

Anonymous said...

I tend not to play with a huge number of tops when it comes to parties. Usually 2 or 3 others besides Joel. And it is usually with men I consider friends already, who, regardess of how good or bad the scene may be, are still gonna like me after. Why, yes, yes I do have raging insecurities.

So, no, the competition thing doesn't factor in for me. I kind of assume that they'll like playing with someone else better or that it will just be so different it won't really compare.

I hate having teenage insecurities at nearly 50. Drives me nuts!


Anonymous said...

Sandy...I always noticed the difference of how men and women talk about scenes. I always thought that men didn't talk about their scenes because they felt they couldnt name names...but I bet now that I think about it Rad has a point.

I like to spread the word about a good Top and I am careful before talking about a negative scene. I usually talk to someone I can trust first to really figure out what happened.

But I have that..."wow I guess I am not that special" feeling...and well it isn't a great feeling to have. But I think that noticing it is better then not...I think people who don't catch themselves doing that can find themselves in a lot of hard times.

Glad you guys had such a great time!