Rad and I were talking about one difference between men and women in the scene. He says women talk LOTS more than men. That's true of me. When I have a a bad thing happen, I talk. Sometimes I just need to talk; I need to ask how I should have handled something, whether I handled it right or wrong, etc., etc. If I sense that what happened was NOT the top's fault (i.e., we didn't communicate enough prior to the scene, or I didn't speak up at a moment when I should have spoken up), then I really try hard not to name names. It's not fair to someone, ESPECIALLY if he is new and inexperienced and still finding his way.
More often, I find myself talking after a GOOD scene, (especially someone I've never met before, someone who's at his first party). I want to spread the word. "Have you played with S.? OMG, he's so good." Why? Can't exactly say. Part of me wants other women to have a good time, part of me wants the new guy to get better known so HE has a good time and keeps coming back, part of me feels like I've just "discovered" something and I want to talk about it. But yes, I do talk. And I've seen other women talk. I've had WONDERFUL scenes because I've chosen to play with someone who was recommended to me. It happened twice this weekend.
Men, on the other hand, at least according to Rad, don't share such information. Instead, he says, they "hoard." They don't want other guys finding out about the hot scene they just did, because then there will be competition. The babe they just played with needs to keep playing with HIM, not other guys. She might end up liking the other guys more. (is that what the thought is?)
I do admit it's not entirely a man thing. When I have a really hot scene with someone where I feel like we just clicked instantly and he knew EXACTLY what I needed and he pushed me and controlled me just right, I tend to want to think that I am the only one who can take it as much as I've just taken it. I want to think we just shared something really, really unique that only happened because he and I converged at this moment in time and bonded in a way that could never happen with anyone else he plays with.
Then I run into someone else he's played with and she has the same blissful look on her face when she talks about playing with him. And I start to think maybe I wasn't so special. I hate feeling that way, because what happens is it's usually some female friend who you really like and you don't want these jealous feelings popping up, these negative emotions. (I'm thinking, "Oh, you might have 'enjoyed' playing with him, but he and I traveled to heights never reached before.")
This is what I mean when I talk about competitiveness. And I HAVE to nip it in the bud, because I don't want to be competitive. I want to CONNECT with people. We CAN play with the same person and have different experiences. And even if the experiences are similar, it doesn't make one less special than the other.