Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Some musings on the scene
Not too much to say this morning. San Francisco is cloudy. We need to do laundry after we've had some coffee and breakfast. We're still perusing the Frommer's guide book, deciding what to do today. We might hit Haight-Ashbury. Or go walk across the Golden Gate.
Being on vacation is a great time to spend together, but I've found you have to be with someone you really LIKE because there's always got to be compromise. I love hiking, and I fear I subjected Rad to a bit too much of that over the first couple days of our trip. Yesterday in Muir Woods was no exception. On the other hand, I think he LIKES seeing nature that, as a city boy, he never explored much. So I'm guessing that "going along with the hike" to humor me or to be with me is ultimately something he likes. I still have to watch pushing too much for stuff I like to do, and listen and do stuff HE likes to do.
I'd like to bicycle across the Golden Gate bridge, go back up to Marin County, and take the ferry back (something they suggested in the guide book). But it's a sixteen mile ride, and Rad's not really into that. But, maybe tomorrow, Friday, or Saturday I can do it by myself (they also have guided group tours available) and Rad can go explore something else.
Meanwhile, on our travels here and there and at night in the room, we have running conversations about the scene and our role within it. Last night we discussed Doms who are not husbands/significant others. Can the emotions that arise in a Dom/sub relationship coexist with a committed relationship? What about the egos of both the men? The Dom wants to be in charge and in control. The husband feels someone is messing with what is "his" -- someone is stepping into his turf.
I don't know if it's a huge issue for me but it's an issue, because I do like the idea of following someone's orders. Rad DOES issue orders once in a while, but we don't have a domestic discipline (or a Dom/sub or a Master/slave) relationship by any means. To be honest, I'm more into punishment for disobedience than the actual obedience. I'm not very submissive over the long haul. (I like temporary submissive scenarios).
If I had a Dom outside of my marriage, it couldn't be full-time in any way that would conflict with my primary relationship. For instance, if a Dom called me up or emailed and told me to go stand in the corner -- while I'm sitting at home with my husband -- it wouldn't be possible. On the other hand, it could give him license to punish me next time he saw me. I don't know. It's a delicate balance. Rad is my "Daddy" and I like the way that feels.