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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Zen and the Art of the F Word


Contains language unsuitable for most people.
(for further reference, see:
mansitters: http://gothamist.com/2008/04/02/seat_hogs_bewar.php
Pole dancers: http://gothamist.com/2007/12/10/four_women_pole.php
Pole HOGGERS: http://gothamist.com/2008/04/03/putting_pole_ho.php)

Bear with me here. This may be rough. The day did not start off well. First of all, I've got the wrong panties on. You think this is no big deal? Try walking around all day long with panties that only go half-way up your butt crack. These are spanking panties, not regular panties! Okay, I know what you're probably going to say -- don't get your panties all in a bunch! Har de har har.

And, yes, I was late leaving the house (part of reason I rushed the panty selection). I was six minutes late. So I'll be punished. F*** it; I need to be!

I really feel like cursing. No, my anger management "program" is NOT going well.

F*** you all, loudmouth bitches in Starbucks! Why are you talking so loud -- to cover up your inherent obtuseness? You're loud and boring as sticks! Shut up! And you, especially-loud-and-self-centered lady with the constantly screaming toddler -- could you stick a sock in her, too, before it's too late and she ends up like you?

F*** you, too, pole-leaning bitch on the R-train. The train's crowded. People gotta grab the poles. Kindly move your stinky polyester suit the f*** away from my hand. Oh, you won't move? You're too IMPORTANT? You were here first? How about a knuckle poking right into your back, then? You like that? Still won't move? I'll move then, and shove my bag up against you so I don't have to touch your arrogant skeeviness. Ugh, you make me ill, standing there with your eyes closed pretending to sleep. Another selfish bitch. New York really needs more of your kind!

And f*** you, too, my condescending bitch of a boss. Because of your perpetual inability to make a timely decision (but persist in meddling in minutiae), my work is harder than ever. What ever happened to that assistant I was going to get? Or that intern? Vanished -- poof! -- into the ether? No money in the budget? I don't get the promotion, someone is hired at twice my salary, but suddenly I have more work to do, more decisions to make, but oddly, still no authority! F***! F***! F***!

Ahh. Okay. I feel better now. A little, anyway. Thank you for letting me rant.

Maybe I need to get tied up, gagged and beaten for an hour or two. Hello? Anyone? Okay. Not just ANYONE.

8 comments:

LauraT said...

OMG. I would have to kill people. Seriously. I don't use public transportation to my job since it would take way too long both getting to and from work. When you work 12 hour nights, taking 1.5 hrs each way to commute is just not acceptable.

Some of my commute pet peeves are cell phone users backing up into traffic going the wrong way and never pausing in their conversation. And they wonder why their fenders, and doors have huge dents in them. The person in front of me at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru ordering 2 dozen donuts and doing it all thru the speaker phone? Come on, it's not like they are going to get the order right. The person who insists on having a 5 minute conversation with the parking lot attendant at work. Don't they know I want to get the F*** out of there and go home?

Bastiches. Skeevie bastiches all.

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

I suppose I was a little passive agressive, digging my knuckles into the lady, but she had a door spot! If you have the door spot, you have a door to lean against -- you don't need to lean against the pole! Also, I said "excuse me," and all. So she deserved it.

Indy said...

Well, that is one advantage of living in a small town. No commuting anxiety. Not sure it's worth it, though. :-)

Mr. Shiny said...

And as long as you said "excuse me" first you're fine - it says so in the Bible. Or at least it says so in MY Bible.

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Here's how it is in New York: "Excuse me," as you place your hand on the pole. Second time: "Excuse me (Hello? this is where you move away from the pole?)" Third time -- "Hey, move your fat ass!"

Brian said...

Tsk, tsk, such language. Somebody is going to have to do something about that. ;)

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

We are working on that, Brian. I had phase one last night.

Wednesday said...

Yikes! I was wondering about the language too (before remembering that it is NY). But I don't envy you your day. :-(