Saturday, August 29, 2009

FFF1 -- What was I thinking?

I sit here contemplating the foolishness of my actions, dreading what is to come tonight. Flashing on the subway on Half-Naked Thursday was nothing, and I cannot blame any wild girlfriends and peer pressure this time. I've gone and blabbed about what I was going to do -- and then did not follow-through. And now I must be punished, and I will have no say. I am humiliated.

Friday, August 28, 2009

I'm challenged...

I'm faced with not one, but TWO writing challenges. Apparently, it's "Flash Fiction Friday" all over the blogosphere.

Supplicium post mortem's challenge is to write a 250-word piece that includes the words "raindrop," "guess," and "transparent." I have to finish by 6 p.m. Saturday.

The Daily Toast calls upon us to write an erotic fiction piece, exactly 69 words, incorporating the acronym HNT. ("In case you're not familiar with it, HNT stands for "Half Nekkid Thursday" as described here. The subject of the post is this photo.") This one's due today.

I surely can slap (hee hee, I said "slap") 69 words together by today, 250 by tomorrow ... right? Here we go. Putting it right out there for the world. If I don't finish these challenges by their deadlines, I'll take 20 licks from anyone mentioning this blog at Paddles tomorrow night. Cane, belt, strap or leather paddle only, no wood paddles). Let's see who's paying attention...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Big news!

The video that I made for Ms. Holly's Southeastern Woodshed is now available for sale at Clips4Sale. If anyone hasn't heard of Ms. Holly, she's an Atlanta-based disciplinarian -- very hot, and extremely tough. My session with her was fairly severe (strapping and caning for half an hour), but you ought to see what she did to her "niece" and her girlfriend, caught "fooling around." And to the naughty schoolgirl ... among others. Download those movies ... uhh ... what am I saying? Download MINE!

I haven't actually seen the movie in its entirety yet. Hope you all like it. And I hope I get to film another one soon.

I also got a sneak peak at Rad's new video with Punished Brats, which arrived in the mail today. Damn, he gets Pixie good with the strap. From the look on her face, I think she "enjoyed" that scene in the way some of us do (hate to take a strapping/love to have been strapped). Rad is a big mean daddy -- or in this case, "uncle." He has some other good scenes. too. I don't know when these clips will be available, but since the movies appear to be edited, I'm assuming fairly soon. Check the Punished Brats sight for updates.

In the meantime, time is ticking away before the SL party. Did NOT manage to get my hair cut, as planned, tonight. Perhaps tomorrow.

Too tired ... plus pre-party thoughts

I was up at 5 a.m. or thereabouts, thanks to my wonderful fat orange kitty (yes, the one pictured here on my blog): He who never shuts up. After I fed him and was nice to him and scratched his back like a good mommy, THEN I noticed the surprise he'd left me on the couch. Grrrrrr. Nasty f***. He's such a pathetic, needy, lonely kitty, though, that I have to forgive him ... over and over and over...

I am working from home and it's only 8 a.m. now, so I may lay back down for another hour before digging in. I have a lot of reading to do. May take a walk over to the diner later and spread out with my manuscripts. It may be easier to read there than at home. I tend to do well with the low hum of background chatter. As long as no one voice rises above the others, then a dull roar is fine. I do well in a crowded Starbucks.

Other goals for the week are to work at returning calls, to call friends I haven't called in a while, to do some cleaning up around the house (laundry is not on the list right now; it will get done eventually, sometime before Shadow Lane). I've scheduled my Brazilian for Sunday, will get hair cut and highlighted today if I can get an appointment, will do nails on Monday or Tuesday or -- worse comes to worse -- after I get to Vegas on Wednesday.

I try not to think about the trip ahead because I know I will get obsessive and frantic. Yet, I must do SOME planning, not only to schedule play dates, but to prepare by shopping, organizing, etc. I don't NEED new dresses, shoes and panties ... I just need new dresses and shoes and panties. My usual mode is L.L. Bean or Birkenstock sandals, jeans (even at work, some days). My girly-girl side comes out at the parties, and I like to indulge it.

Other sides come out as well -- my flirty side, my submissive side (with the right people) and of course my toppy side, which many fine gentlemen, I'm sure, will allow me to express next weekend. Missing "The Boys" and happy that we get to catch up again ... you know who you are.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


My tattoo, as they warned, as started to itch. I'm not taking any chances and I'm resisting. Continuing to take proper care of it. Having it on my wrist and inner arm has proven a challenge, however, as it's vulnerable to having things touch it or potentially scratch it (papers, etc., and I have to deal with a lot of that on a regular basis). At my computer I've had to place paper towels down so that the A&D ointment doesn't mess things up.

Well the itch goes deeper. As always I could use a scene. I'm doing a topping scene tonight, and will probably have to cover the tattoo with an ace bandage. Topping relieves some of my need, and certainly helps me get out some of my frustration with work. But to submit to someone, to be made to take my punishment, is what I crave. I almost feel silly writing that here. Those of you who know me already know that.

We are going to the Manhattan Spanking Association party on Saturday. I know I can count on Rad (Big Mean Daddy) to "help me out." And there should be a variety of other tops too. Surely I will regret posting this. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. If you don't take the plunge, you'll never what it feels like to have gone over the edge. (in non-psychobabble speak: It's going to hurt, but I need it!)

Monday, August 17, 2009

Yes, I still love it!

As promised, here are the pictures of my new tattoo. Took bandages off this morning, cleaned it, A&D Ointment-ed it per instructions.

My friend Randi warned me I'd want to run out and get another one. She was right. But I'll wait a little while.

Rad says he's cool with it as long as it's not something crazy -- like a snake wrapped around my leg and/or coming out of my crotch. And I've already promised more than one person -- there won't be any on my butt.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Weekend firsts

As you already know from reading my hubby's blog, Radspace, he filmed some videos this weekend with the crew at Punished Brats. I'm so happy that he was invited to perform; it sounds like he had a great time and that everyone liked him. I know how good a spanking and "mean daddy" he can be -- now the world will know...

Me, I had my own first ... I FINALLY took the plunge and got a tattoo, which I've been wanting to do for years. Literally years of saying, "Yes, I want one, but I just can't decide WHAT I want." I tried to to combine a few of my personal likes with things that were meaningful to me, such as cats, motorcycles, my recovery from alcoholism, etc. and nothing seemed right.

I finally came up with an idea that was simple. It fits into both my BDSM lifestyle (particularly as a submissive, which is the side I identify with the most), and my sobriety, a subtle but very important part of my life. I wanted a chain going around my wrist, with some sort of meaningful words accompanying it. I borrowed a line from AA literature, specifically, the "3rd Step Prayer," which was instrumental to me in the early years. Along with my tribute to the spirituality I still strive toward, I believe this is a perfect tribute to those I submit to:

"I offer myself to Thee." Those words are now on my left wrist, above a chain that encircles the wrist. I am almost afraid to take the bandages off; I loved it just after I saw the finished product. Will I still love it tomorrow?

My friend Randi went with me. She's gotten a number of tattoos over the years; I trusted her advice and was grateful for her support. She recommended a Long Island place she knew where the artists were very good, Da Vinci Tattoo Studio. All I knew was that it was going to hurt; I had no idea how much or how I would react to it -- just as I feel when I approach a scene with any new player or any new type of play. The basic assumption is that I will survive. But the question is: Will I survive "gracefully"?

I don't know how to explain this. I must truly be a masochist, because I loved the pain. I think I began to fly pretty soon after it started, and the combination of the sharpness (it felt alternately like intense heat and like cutting) and vibration knocked me right into euphoria. There were a couple parts where the pain was very pointed -- my wrists are small and when the needle was etching me over the bone that sticks out at the side, it felt like a very sharp, small knife slicing into me. But I continued to soar over it, really getting a high from it all. Sometimes I had my eyes closed, sometimes I looked at Randi, sometimes I just watched the artist and the needle do its work. At one point I looked at her and said, "I think I'm stoned." She laughed.

I face my coworkers tomorrow. Will this be "outing" myself too much? We'll see. I went through these fears last night and almost changed the location of the tattoo at the last minute. But it was what I wanted, in the location I wanted, and I went ahead and did it.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Overdue micro fantasy

I DID start writing this and had MOST of it done on Monday, but didn't have a chance to post it. Very busy. Anyway, enjoy:

After rush hour on Tuesday, the R train to Queens is not crowded. But there are people midway through the car, and at the opposite end from where he and I enter. We head toward a pair of seats. "Don't sit down," he says.

"What? Why?" I ask. But then the look on his face is obvious: He wants to play. I wonder what he's up to. But I smile, willing to play along.

"Because I'm in charge, that's why," he says. " it?" And he emphasizes this by suddenly gripping the back of my neck. He knows that always gets to me. I gasp softly. "Yes. Got it!"

"'Sir'!" he hisses in my ear.

"Got it, Sir." I'm nervous and thrilled simultaneously.

"Both hands on the pole," he says, indicating the horizontal bar over the seats. I grab the bar and he sits in front of me, his legs spread on either side of me. "Lean forward." I obey. I wonder if anyone is paying attention. He places both hands on my boobs, gives them a wide squeeze. His touch, combined with the vibrations of the train, make me moan. The train then sways roughly, and I with it. He grabs the opportunity to pinch my right nipple, hard. My blouse is light and my bra isn't padded so he's able to get a tight grip. I can't scream on the train. I clamp my lips together and close my eyes, trying to accept the pain. "Look at me!" he orders. I open my eyes and try to obey.

The thought enters my head: We aren't doing anything illegal, are we? My eyes are watering from the pain and it gets worse each time the train sways and rocks. He finally releases me, and I gasp with relief. I also glance quickly down the train, checking the others. If they are watching, it's not obvious. He stands up, comes around behind me, then very loudly says, "What color panties are you wearing, young lady?"

Oh, jeez. Now people are looking. I feel my face flush hotly. And then he pulls up my skirt.

My bottom is exposed. As a matter of fact, to answer his question, I am wearing my red nylon bikinis, one of my favorite pairs, and I'd worn them for him. I just didn't realize I'd be showing them off so soon.

"Oh, my!" he says, loudly again. "Look at these slutty panties." I twist my head and look at him, pleading with my eyes. I'm really embarrassed. Is it my imagination, or have those two guys who were halfway down the car suddenly gotten closer?

He tucks my skirt hem into my waist, then sits down again. I've lost my protection and I feel very exposed. But I don't want to be disobedient so I keep my hands on the pole. "Please," I whisper.

"You are pleasing me," he says, grinning.

"We'll get into trouble..."

"Someone will be in trouble, that's for sure."

"This might be illegal!" I finally voice it. Those guys have moved closer, I'm sure of it.

"Well, you should be spanked, then -- wearing slutty panties and breaking the law!" Again, loud enough for everyone to hear. And then to make things worse, he turns and speaks directly at the two guys, who are most definitely watching. "Do you think I should spank this slut right here?" he asks.

Oh, God, no...

They laugh, a little nervously. Finally one of them says, "Sure!" and laughs louder. I'm going to die of humiliation.

"She does need it ..."

Again I whisper, "Please!" But I remain in position, trusting him.

The train is coming toward a station. He stands and pulls my skirt back down into place over my panties. "Oh, darn," he announces. "We'll have to postpone this bad girl's spanking. Here's our stop." It is not our stop, but I am more than grateful for the reprieve.

And as we exit, I'm doubly grateful that our two horny friends don't follow us.

In the station, he slams me up against the wall, kisses me hard and grinds against me. "God, I can't wait to get you home!" he says.

Me either, babe. Me either.

Monday, August 10, 2009

wonderful weekend

I'm facing work today with a pretty good attitude. I just had a superb weekend. Spent Saturday afternoon and evening with some spanking friends at a small get-together in Pennsylvania. There was a pool and it was just warm enough to indulge in an hour or so of splashing around. Our hosts provided a barbecue feast. Ate way too much, and I'll record it in my food log, but I don't care. On top of that, there was enough spanking to keep me happy for a while. Especially from Rad. Our host also provided a toy "feast," and Rad decided he would test drive a nice razor strop on my poor butt. Damn... painful, but invigorating!

Sunday four of us, three scene people and one vanilla, went hiking at a nice spot in North Jersey, a short but very rocky and hilly trail that led to a mountain lake. I love hiking and loved this challenge. It was steep enough in certain areas, with the occasional slippery rock, where I had to search for hand holds to keep from slipping. When we were almost at the lake we discussed swimming. I hadn't brought a bathing suit because I didn't think it would be warm enough to swim. We talked about skinny dipping, but there were others already there, a father, a gang of teenage boys and one girl. My friends said I could just pretend my underwear was a bathing suit. I thought it would be too cold, but others were splashing around in the water and I didn't want to look like a chicken shit.

I did as they suggested and stripped down to bra and panties. I still had faint marks on my thighs from the last time I played, but I think you would have had to be looking for them to see them, let alone recognize what they were. I didn't worry about it. Dipped my feet in the water. It was cold, but nowhere near as cold as I'd expected. I took the plunge and dove in. Wow, not bad! Very refreshing.

We swam across the lake to where there were little cliffs. The kids were climbing up and jumping back into the water off a 20-foot cliff. I climbed up (rather difficult in bare feet, but I managed). Spent just a few minutes looking over the edge, thinking about whether I had the nerve. I realized rather quickly that I didn't, at least not that day. I told my friend, who was about to jump, that I simply couldn't do it, and I climbed back down. I watched him jump from the water, then I swam back to the other side. I was happy enough that I'd taken the swim and gone all the way across the lake and back -- I didn't need any more challenges that day.

On the hike back to the parking lot, it started to rain so we had more of a treacherous time on some of the rocks. But it was easier getting back, in my opinion. The rain felt good, and I liked the muddiness. Good feeling all around, to be out in nature like that. I don't get that enough.

Well, it's off to work. I'm late again. Will try to write a fantasy later.