Sunday, August 10, 2008


Rad and I have talked at various times before about our frustration with playing (the lack thereof) at our apartment. We go out and play when we can. We like playing in public (and showing off), so we'll be at Paddles about once or twice a month, and usually at some other spanking party every month or so.

We both play with others as well, and this allows us to explore things we might not explore with each other, or experience a different style of play, or simply get more play time in during a party.

Sometimes, though, every once in a while, I still feel guilty about playing with other doms. I'll think, "Why do I have to play with these guys? Doesn't Rad give me what I need? Isn't that enough? Am I greedy?"

We are not polyamorous in the sexual sense, but I'd say we are "ethical sluts" in that we play with others within certain boundaries, making all efforts not to do things to hurt the other person. Jealousy and neediness sometimes roar their ugly heads at a play party. Either one of us could succumb to that -- and both of us have, at various points. We talk through it and it's okay. I want him to feel free to seek out scenes with whomever he wants to top. He's given me the same freedom. We don't always talk about our scenes with others, and it's pretty rare that we watch each other play, but those options are available.

At the end of the day, we are a team.


Radagast said...

I think we both understand each other and know that just because we enjoy the variety of partners that the scene provides us, it doesn't mean that we don't value each other that much more. My relationship with Sandy is not something that can be duplicated - that's why I married her.

D said...

Thanks for posting this topic Sandy. It's something I was actually going to ask you and Rad about at SL.

G and I have both wondered if either of us would feel any jealousy watching the other person play with someone else.

I think communication is and will be the key to avoiding the "ugly green monster."

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Rad ... yes, and the world should be grateful that there aren't more couples like us...

D. It's hard to predict jealousy. Rad and I usually don't step into the other person's choices of play partners. I found myself feeling jealous suddenly at the last Shadow Lane party, when Rad was very popular and I didn't feel I was getting what I needed. (perception)

I couldn't exactly complain, though, since I always like to play a lot, and until Rad got to know more people, I was the one playing more. This was something we had to talk about and work through.