A week or so back, Erica Scott blogged about a hard spanking she'd received. It was a hot scene, she described it well, and it created some cravings in me: I posted a response to her blog saying I could probably use a good spanking myself. Nothing unusual there; that's what a lot of fellow bottoms do when they're trying to express camaraderie with each other. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to go crazy if I don't get spanked, that I have some unfulfilled ache in my soul. I am married to a spanker. Sooner or later he WILL spank me, or someone else will spank me, because I'm pretty active in the scene.
But when I write something like "I need a spanking," almost inevitably, a top whom I don't know will send me an email or a message and offer to come help me out. Why do I get irritated by this? Is it because I think they are assuming too much? Or because I don't want to do the work to get to know someone new? Or because I feel HE doesn't want to do the work? (Many times such propositions are from men with very little info on their profiles, so you don't get a good idea about who's contacting you.) Is it the old Groucho Marx syndrome -- "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member"? -- meaning, is there something wrong with this guy and that's why he's contacting ME? (My own perpetual self-esteem issues rearing up, naturally).
I don't necessarily have to nip in the bud EVERY unknown dom who emails me. I'm a member of MySpace and FetLife so I can connect with people. And there are some very good tops out there. But maybe I need to make my rules more clear -- at this point in my life, I don't play privately with new people (except professionally, and that's something different altogether). I play privately with my husband and with a few friends. For new people, I ask them to look me up at parties and the local club.
That's the best I can do. I suppose one or two guys might say, "Well, don't whine about needing a spanking and then turn one down when offered." Um, it's not that simple.