Friday, June 26, 2009

What I look for in a top

I think there some tops in the scene who feel left out. This is just based on what I sometimes observe at parties and in on-line forums or groups. There is a smaller group of tops toward whom many female bottoms tend to gravitate — and why?

Of course I can only speak for myself. There is a certain quality I seek in a top. But I tend to approach this more often from the view of my submissive side. When I play, I want to play with someone who's got confidence — and even a degree of arrogance. I want someone who will take charge, even for a short time at a play party, but especially if we're doing a longer, more private scene.

Of course, there are times when I play and I'm not submitting — it may be more sensual play (like a "nice" flogging), or just physical impact play. I may be completely topping from the bottom; I may simply ask a top to strap me because that's what I feel I need that night. In those cases, the dominant or arrogant personality isn't necessary. But still, there has to be something there. I still need the confidence, the idea that he knows he is special, that IF he is turned down by one play partner it's not a big deal, he will shake it off and move on.

If, physically, a top is attractive (of course this is very subjective), he MAY have an advantage over someone else, all other things being equal. However, if I see a guy at a party who is topping only women who could be models, I doubt I would approach him. Who needs to be told she is too old, or too heavy, or not sexy enough?

But my main point is that it's not looks by any means that will guarantee women will play with a top. There has to be confidence, some experience, a sense of humor, and definitely a respect conveyed to me as an equal — before and after I submit.

Then there are personality traits that, if I see evidence of them, will definitely push me away from playing with a top. A few that come to mind are: 1) negativity. 2) obvious lack of self-confidence. 3) a dislike of or a bitterness toward women. 4) being overbearing and pushy (not the same as arrogance).


A.S.S. said...

Interesting insights... you make some great points. Especially like the one about brushing off a "no thanks" answer. Have actually heard spankers bitch and complain about rejection and the lack of play they've had at a party. As a general rule, complaining isn't going to help a top in any way. That... and being friendly and polite... are the best tips I could give a spanker going to their first party.

Like the new look to the blog btw.


Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Hey, Todd. It's funny, but I've seen one or two tops who complain even after they've played a LOT at a party. They didn't get to play with "her" or "her." Why does SHE play with him and not me? etc. etc.

I'm sure this attitude sits really well with the girls this top DID play with. "Hey! What am I, chopped liver?"

Some men also seem to think that women in the scene don't have to deal with rejection simply because the ration of men to women isn't even. So not true.