Been thinking about what I said about taking a stand at the next party toward boys behaving badly. Truth is, I fear I'll wimp out. Despite massive improvements since my younger years, I still have people-pleasing tendencies. I still want to be the "nice" girl. I might complain to friends, of course, but may not talk to the guy himself. Talking to him might work, but I sometimes fear it will bring on additional undesirable behavior.
I'm not talking about the black-and-white cases where there WAS an incident -- the drunk guy at Shadow Lane who grabbed my arm at the edge of the dance floor and announced that we were going to dance. The stranger who walked by and touched my butt at Paddles. Easy: They were over the line; I complained; action was taken. Eve and Tony tossed the obnoxious drunk out, and Michael at Paddles told the butt-grabber to leave.
More often there are the gray areas, which women who go to these public events may struggle with: What must we just accept? What is a violation? What is simply social awkwardness? What is stalking?
Perhaps one person's "stalking" is, to someone else, simply coming back and asking a second time to play. On the other hand, perhaps you've said no several times already and the guy approaches you again. I'd like to think that my body language and demeanor will let someone know I'm interested or not. Of course that's not always the case. So I have to just say, "No thank you."
Items for discussion, which I may propose as a Shadow Lane chat, if people are willing to participate: How do you deal with rejection -- on the receiving or giving end? What is crossing the line to you? If someone feels "creepy" or "off" but hasn't really done anything, can you complain? Is it shyness, or anti-social behavior? If someone is shy, do you feel a responsibility to help him/her feel welcome? If someone makes you uncomfortable, do you talk to him?
P.S. I hope to write tomorrow or the next day about why I miss Shadow Lane and can't wait for the party! Lest anyone think it is populated by a bunch of freaks, that's not the case. These guys I'm talking about are not the norm.