No worries yesterday. The R train was not that crowded. I didn't get a seat, but procured the next best thing, the spot by the door.
I've been feeling feisty and more confident at work. It's still too busy, I'm still too overworked, but I feel like I have more of a say in the creative process. I just have to keep on my toes. My resentment toward my boss has to go. It's not doing me any good. She's a sick individual, that's all there is to it. By "sick" I mean seriously mentally disturbed. I haven't quite figured out the best approach to her, but I have to avoid anger as best I can. As it says in Twelve-Step literature, "We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said said to ourselves, 'This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him?'" Yeah ... I'm not even close to that stage yet. But it's a noble goal.
My immediate supervisor pushes me, too, but I feel that it's in a good way, in a supportive way. She's seems to recognize that we're a team. The other one thinks that what we do is FOR HER.
The R was fine yesterday morning, but the 1 was unusually crowded. I couldn't deal with the crush, so I got off at 79th and waited for the next one. I was hoping I'd luck out. But it took another 10 minutes and was just as crowded as the previous one. I ended up by the door, next to a guy taking up space with a bike -- isn't that against the rules during rush hour?
I looked up and to my right and just then I saw my boss! She was reading a book and -- how about this? -- she was being a pole hog! Jeez. She didn't see me, at least I don't think so. My resentment was still active. I didn't want to be pleasant to her right then, not before I was officially on the clock.
So I slipped off the train at 103rd -- nearly 20 blocks from the office. Outside it was suddenly blustery; it had started to snow. I walked two blocks and caught the northbound Broadway bus. Hallelujah! -- there were seats. I was a few minutes late, but it was so worth it.