No worries yesterday. The R train was not that crowded. I didn't get a seat, but procured the next best thing, the spot by the door.
I've been feeling feisty and more confident at work. It's still too busy, I'm still too overworked, but I feel like I have more of a say in the creative process. I just have to keep on my toes. My resentment toward my boss has to go. It's not doing me any good. She's a sick individual, that's all there is to it. By "sick" I mean seriously mentally disturbed. I haven't quite figured out the best approach to her, but I have to avoid anger as best I can. As it says in Twelve-Step literature, "We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said said to ourselves, 'This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him?'" Yeah ... I'm not even close to that stage yet. But it's a noble goal.
My immediate supervisor pushes me, too, but I feel that it's in a good way, in a supportive way. She's seems to recognize that we're a team. The other one thinks that what we do is FOR HER.
The R was fine yesterday morning, but the 1 was unusually crowded. I couldn't deal with the crush, so I got off at 79th and waited for the next one. I was hoping I'd luck out. But it took another 10 minutes and was just as crowded as the previous one. I ended up by the door, next to a guy taking up space with a bike -- isn't that against the rules during rush hour?
I looked up and to my right and just then I saw my boss! She was reading a book and -- how about this? -- she was being a pole hog! Jeez. She didn't see me, at least I don't think so. My resentment was still active. I didn't want to be pleasant to her right then, not before I was officially on the clock.
So I slipped off the train at 103rd -- nearly 20 blocks from the office. Outside it was suddenly blustery; it had started to snow. I walked two blocks and caught the northbound Broadway bus. Hallelujah! -- there were seats. I was a few minutes late, but it was so worth it.
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5 comments:
Well, there are a 100 different varieties of mentally sick, so I could be way off with this comment. I have found though that the thing that tends to drive people the nuttiest at work is the presence of someone with a personality disorder or PD traits. One informal way to figure out if that is the problem is to ask yourself if *you* (or your coworkers) ever feel like you are the crazy ones when around this person (you are not, but there are a million ways that someone with a PD projects their crazy on to everyone else).
One book recommendation: Albert J Bernstein _Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry_. It is a humorous yet useful intro to the subject. Some of the tactics can also be used to survive folks who have a plain ol' mental illness, are closet alcoholics, etc.
And one thing I forgot--the path to getting a personality disorder can be--brutal. A stance of "compassionate self defense" can help you minimize the resentment and still deal.
Dear ms. cassandra,
if youre too sore from Scott's strapping, perhaps you'd want to switch to topping afterwards.
Im sure there are many who would more than willingly oblige (LOL).
looking forward to meeting you , esp. after you and Rad missed the DVS party last month. (Lisa introduced me to your "other half"
at Paddles two weeks ago.)
hasta luego" just a few little hours".
BTW, I think your blog is marvelous--a real hoot!
harry
Wednesday: I like the idea of taking "a stance of 'compassionate self defense.'" I'm working toward that. When someone makes your job needlessly more difficult, it's hard.
Harry: Nice meeting you last night. Hope you had fun. And I think I WILL be topping more tonight.
Thanks for the comments about my blog, too. I appreciate that.
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