Friday, October 23, 2009

The pain of writing

This weekend I'm visiting friends in Md., our good friends J. and D., and their three kids. Like me, D. is a writer, and as it nears the end of October once again the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is upon us. This happens in November, and is a challenge to write a 50,000-word novel in one month. I know, that sounds formidable, but it comes down to about three typed pages per day.

In the past week, that's become my goal -- three typed pages per day. A certain "conversation" last Saturday with a certain NYtop has inspired me ... I had not been writing, and I had no real excuse.

When D. reminded me of NaNoWriMo, I got a little surge of excitement and ambition. "I can do it this month!" I thought. "I can!" There's a kick-off party/lunch tomorrow that I'm attending (D. is the host). I did this challenge once before, in 2006. I don't think there is much that can be salvaged from that attempt, but I did write, I had a story, and I reached 50,000 words.

"Try" is an awful word. My dilemma is a huge surge of negativity that wants me to give up before I've even begun. The stories that come to mind the easiest are spanking or S&M stories -- mostly kinky, dark stories -- sometimes a lesbian fantasy -- have come out every day this week except Monday, and my vanilla writing that day was boring the shit out of me.

As opposed to using that bad word "try" I think I can commit to a promise that I'll write every day. I must first meditate for 10, 15 minutes to push that negative energy down and replace it with positive energy. Then to accept the following about myself: 1) I do have a story to tell. 2) What seems boring and too like real-life tediousness may be intriguing to someone else. 3) it's okay to write a spanking, BDSM, lesbian/bi/gay novel if that's what comes out. I will strive to make it different from other things I've read.

My ultimate goal is to be published, I suppos. Sometimes it's hard to write because I begin to imagine the critics who will be reading and judging my story. Not a legitimate reason for not writing. Criticism and/or praise comes later. This is just between me and the computer, for now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It was great having you, and the trick of course is to just write. But write what you like. Write what you like to read. It should be enjoyable. You can "fly" when you are in the middle of some really good section and your fingers can't move fast enough on the keyboard.

I'm really excited this year, but have so much more to organize.

Miss you! -D