Friday, January 2, 2009

Taken in hand vs. asking for it

I mentioned two days ago that there were terrific discussions and sharing among the group of spanking fetishist friends I had the honor of spending New Year's Eve/New Year's morning with. Tops and bottoms and switches weighed in on a variety of topics, and there was a lot of honesty.

At one point, we talked about "asking for play" vs. "bratting" vs. "none of the above." (Specifically, at spanking parties, where everyone presumably has the same interest).

The "none of the above" category was really something along the lines of: "You know why I'm here, I'm here because I want to get spanked -- why do I have to play games and be silly to get your attention? And why do I have to ask? I just want to be taken in hand."

That scenario HAS happened with me. But it's very, very rare, and you have to know the top well and he has to know it's okay with you and your partner, if you are part of a couple. When it does happen, though -- oh, God, it's a beautiful thing. Suddenly everything shifts from normalcy to that heart-pounding fearful anticipation as you're led away to your doom. You didn't expect it -- but now it's about to happen and you're going to get it.

At a party, I do prefer not to ask, but I don't mind it too much. If I want the scene to be more "natural" -- AKA, for there to be a reason for the spanking -- then I'll brat or do the witty banter thing. I will NOT be a brat with someone I don't want to play with. It doesn't make any sense.

I don't do over the top bratting like water guns, crackers exploding at a top's feet, or, God forbid, Silly String. Sometimes I will get physical, though. I might playfully smack a top's butt, or pretend that I'm going to spank him with something, or tug his ear -- something the top might do to ME. Childish, harmless play. When I do stuff like that to Rad he either spanks me or he'll give me a threatening look and promise to spank me later. Verbally, I may wait for a moment when he's been going on about some topic for a while, and then I'll say something sarcastic.

I don't think I would get spanked that much if I didn't ask for it or somehow call attention to myself. But there is one option, which came up -- using a go-between. If you want to play with a top but don't want to ask or be a brat, you ask a friend who knows him to see if he wants to play. Then you establish that it's okay for him just to walk up to you and "take you in hand." Then you hope it happens at a moment when you're not involved in a conversation with another top you've been hoping to play with...


Indy said...

Sounds like a great way to celebrate the New Year, Sandy!

Especially if anybody was acting on the information provided... :-)

LauraT said...

It still fascinates me that a turn on for one person is a complete turn off for another. Both are visceral for me. I can't think of much that is neutral, can you?

Even a bit of a casual test drive kind of spanking seems kind of lame. Serves a purpose for some, but seems kind of flat.

And yes, a great way to spend the New Year.

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Indy: I don't think it really happened (that I could see), but I think there was at least one person who was hoping it would. Everyone actually seemed kind of shy. There was one top that I'd known for close to eight years but hadn't played with in ages. At one point I just sort of looked at him and made a motion as if to say, "Hey, wanna go upstairs and ... ya know ... ?" He got the hint and we played.

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Laura: Are you saying that bratting is a turn-off to you? Or having to ask is a turn-off? I don't like standing around at a party, that's for sure.

At one point in the conversation New Year's Eve, it was sort of implied that the brats "grab" all the tops' attention (and tops seem to have no problem letting them do this) while other women are just waiting to be asked.

I felt kind of bad at hearing that, but on the other hand, I don't really consider myself a brat. I do consider myself a spanking flirt, however.

LauraT said...

Watching that immature, tongue sticking out kind of bratting leaves me cold and sometimes even embarrassed for the brat. But then there is stuff I do with Joel, and only with Joel that would be considered bratting of sorts (like being 'taken in hand' to the bedroom and oops didn't I just kick the paddle under the bed). I'd never do that with anyone else. It's just what we do. Joel likes to use wood because it gets me to react more. Well, I kick the paddle under the bed cause well, is there anything cuter than an indignant top? I mean, really?

For someone who is a stranger, or someone I haven't played with before, I would rather ask. I wouldn't mind being asked as well.

So many different styles. I think people figure out what works for them and the circle they play in.

Have you ever watched Cathouse on HBO? Apparently, if one of the women of the house are talking to a prospective client over a drink at the bar, the client is "off limits" to the other ladies. It is really awkward to watch a couple negotiating a scene or.. maybe spank flirting towards a scene and then a third party comes in and pulls someone away.

Whew. I apologize for my wordiness.

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Oh, yeah, that's pretty awkward. And as a bottom with some experience, as much as I would love to be "dragged away" by someone, I do have to take into consideration the feelings of the other person I was already talking to.

(on the other hand, sometimes you will jump at the chance to get out of a conversation -- LOL!)

LauraT said...

Well if it was a pre arranged rescue signal, then that is another thing entirely!