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Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm still here...

I am writing, privately, most days. Have not been 100% perfect on THAT New Year's resolution, though I'm doing my best. Rad and I went through a personal loss this week, and we didn't really want to talk about it on our blogs or the news groups we belong to, so I've kept a lot of stuff inside. I'm kind of tired and emotional, and Rad is also not up for a big event, so we are not going to the Philly party tonight after all (Delaware Valley Spanks).

I was planning on getting a serious thrashing from Scott (of Scott and Miranda), infamous for the use of their "family strap" -- a real, very nasty strap that Miranda's mom used when she was growing up. I felt it for the first time at the last Shadow Lane party, then got a touch of it when we were at the Strictly Spanking NY party. I was still in my recovery phase then so I wasn't playing too hard. THIS weekend was supposed to be when I would REALLY get it, a thought that both scared and thrilled me.

Part of me really, really craves it. It often helps me, when I'm stressed or depressed, to get a good beating. On the other hand, when dealing with those emotions, I can't always get into the right head space to be submissive and take the harder punishment, as much as I may "need" it.

5 comments:

BZero said...

Sorry things are bad. Hope you feel better soon!

Indy said...

I'll be thinking about both of you, Sandy. I'm glad you have each other as you grieve.

Hugs,
Indy

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

BZero: Thanks, I appreciate that. I've just been reading your blog -- interesting.

Indy: Thank you, too. It's nice to have friends who are supportive. I hope we get to see each other soon.

BZero said...

Glad you're finding my blog interesting. I'll try to find time to post something besides, "Today I went to the zoo."

Have a good weekend!

Jean said...

Sorry things were as such you both didn't feel up to going.

Jean