The SSNY party was wonderful, but I think I disappointed some people. I feel very emotionally needy and a little vulnerable today. I was able to release some of my pent-up stress through play; but some negativity remains. A spanking party helps me escape from the real world for just a little while; the real world always awaits outside.
Physically, I am aching and sore (AKA "satisfied"). I'd promised Scott I'd play with him first. He and Miranda got stuck in a bad traffic jam so they arrived late -- as a result, I turned down several play requests early in the evening. I wasn't in too much of a topping mood, either. I did top one friend, J., whom I knew would be fun to spank because he's a pain slut.
Rad was busy catching up with others and said he didn't mind that Scott was first on my dance card. Scott's offered to help me stay motivated in one particular area (diet and exercise), and I do appreciate that (much as I hated having to face a punishment for slipping up) and wanted to honor our agreement.
I tend to gravitate toward tops who push me through my fears, those who recognize that I need it hard, who won't back down and won't let me back out. Scott's one of those tops. It was almost laughable, the number of strokes he gave me. There were ten with the Family Strap, then fifteen with a lexan cane, and I think another fifteen with a different strap, one that was almost as nasty as the Family Strap. Doesn't sound like much, right? But the number didn't really seem to matter; they were solid strokes and it was a hard scene to get through.
Before we started, he said to me, "I can tell you've got 100 different things bottled up inside you and I want to help you get some of those out." Then he delivered what he'd promised. I cried. My mascara ran, I was a shaking mess afterward and I had to hold onto his shirt to stand up at first. But he held me up and let me sob a little more.
I did have a lot of things bottled up and this helped. I was raw and didn't feel I could play much with anyone else after that. Therefore, I got the the uneasy feeling that I was letting people down.
This morning some of us met for brunch, and I felt so much more relaxed, more positive and ... happy. I really felt good to be among friends and I was psyched to see everyone else enjoying themselves, too. It completed the weekend.