Friday, November 27, 2009

Family, friends, food, figure

Thanksgiving was fabulous. As I posted on my other blog (Ms. Cassandra Park, The Corporal Consultant), I think it's my favorite holiday because usually the whole family is together and it doesn't really have the "pressure" that you feel from Christmas -- not to mention, let's face it, even at an advanced age you sometimes feel disappointment. Hard to let go of those inner-child expectations.

For me, I love watching my many nieces and nephews rip open their presents, but I feel pangs because I don't have my own kids. And then in lean years, as this one is, I simply can't buy them all gifts. I have 10 nieces and nephews and three "greats" already. The older ones are well into adulthood, however, so I don't have to worry about them as much. The younger ones -- I do what I can.

Thanksgiving is easier. It's just coming together to eat, hang out. Maybe watch some football. Maybe play a game after dinner (a big part of our family traditions). Yesterday, I let myself eat what I liked, in moderation, took a walk after dinner with my sister, and then allowed myself a little dessert. I have been doing good on my diet, now it's time to relax a little, food-wise (I don't need to lose any more weight) and just work on exercise, toning.

I know my mom was just kidding, but it didn't help to hear, "You're not part of the family anymore -- you're too skinny!" Ouch. I guess this is the price you pay when you try to get in shape. I've mentioned this before -- I was taunted and tortured my entire growing-up years for being fat.* Now I'm suddenly unacceptably thin? Nonsense.

However, my problem is that I myself have trouble accepting the status quo. In the spanking world, when I play, people see my naked butt, hips and thighs -- my most troublesome areas. Yes, it's "acceptable"; I am "just fine" the way I am -- but I want to see if I can get better than "just fine." On top of that, I also want to get stronger. I want to try rock climbing, martial arts, kick boxing -- something new.

All I can do is TRY. If I NEVER get rid of my cellulite no matter what, it's okay. I guess I figure I CAN. It's POSSIBLE. Today I had a healthy breakfast, started back (as planned) on my workouts. Goal: weight training three times a week, with walking or other cardio on other days. I still have to watch what I eat, because I can't work out if I'm sluggish.

*I think it's about time to leave this little painful part of my history behind. It's not who I am anymore. (perhaps more on this in an upcoming blog?)


Anonymous said...

You are beautiful on the inside and out! Remember, I say what I mean and do what I say. No B.S. here!


sarah thorne said...

We have a large family too. R has 7 kids, I have 3. Some of his kids are married and have their own families and so then there are grandkids to buy for too. I have found that buying throughout the year and putting things up until Christmas has helped tremendously in spreading the expense of Christmas gifts throughout several months rather than just one or two.

As women, we tend to be so critical of our imperfections no matter what stage our body is in. With me, my bane is stretch marks and my bodacious ta-tas. Even at 107 lbs in my teenage years, I hated my much larger than average breasts. And even in the skinniest, I don't think it's possible to get rid of cellulite short of having it sucked out. Bah!

Thank god for the men who love us as we are and do not look upon us as we look upon ourselves.


Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

Thank you both for your comments. I felt very sexy this weekend. Going to lots of public S&M events has helped me appreciate not only my own body, but others of all sizes as well. And it's really true that it's what's inside that counts.