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Monday, July 13, 2009

Working on myself

I'm way behind on my blogging, and now I've gotten some sort of cold so I'm going to be even further behind on blogging. But before I go to bed I just wanted to pop in and write a couple lines.

As many of my scene friends know, I didn't go to the Strictly Spanking New York party this weekend -- much as I wanted to catch up with and play with old friends. Several folks I hear were in from out of town, and D. from Philly even made a rare appearance.

I attended a workshop, held outside of Philadelphia, designed to deal with some past issues in my life, to start to learn to express anger and other emotions in safe ways and to start to identify when fears are being triggered by old childhood beliefs -- stuff like, "If I say 'no,' I'll be in trouble, I might get hit, I might end up alone," etc.

It was quite intense. Many of the participants were there because they had some pain in their past they hadn't quite gotten beyond, and it was affecting their present. A few were specifically dealing with grief, the loss of a son or a wife. Me, I'm still dealing with father issues. I found the exercises really helped a lot -- left me kind of drained, but also mellow.

It was difficult to return to work today, but I did my best and got a lot done. Will try to write more tomorrow.

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