Sunday, May 23, 2010
I can't seem to get a handle on my feelings about bottoming these days. It's left me feeling unsatisfied except with a few, select tops. And because I don't play with those tops that often, it's really hard to accept the pain when I DO.
I guess it's always hard to accept the pain. But it's not as much of a shock when you do it more often. And it's also easier to accept when someone's in an agreed-upon authoritative role over you, AKA, your dom.
For me there are one or two tops who step into that role when I see them, but who don't accept that role in between, so I find myself feeling ignored and resentful. "I don't have a commitment with this guy; why am I taking so much punishment?" The answer (of course, for those of you who know me) is that I need it, must have it, need that release -- but it still leaves me, in between times, floating and unfulfilled.