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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

"I'll be good" vs. "OK, that's enough"

I mentioned yesterday that I played with J. (of J. and L.), and that L. was watching while we played on Saturday night. I had been watching them play earlier, because he's a hard player and they're fun to watch.

I think she can take it harder than me, but L. doesn't seem submissive to me. Maybe that's not something she displays much in public, or maybe she's simply not submissive. I tend to get submissive during some scenes, especially, of course, during harder scenes. I'll say, "Yes, Sir," and "No, Sir."

I might brat SOME, but if the dom takes the bait (as J. did on Saturday) and ramps it up a few notches, I'll go back to submitting. That strapping he gave me REALLY hurt. I tried to focus on my breathing and take the pain, but it was hard. He finally got me to the point where I felt like I couldn't take much more. In a submissive head space, I have a hard time asking a dom to stop. Instead, I'll usually start to babble, "I'll be good ... I'll be good ... I'll be good!"

The dom can then begin to wrap things up (he may tell me I have to take ten or twenty final strokes), OR he may choose to get really mean and say, "Oh, I KNOW you'll be good -- but we're not done yet, Young Lady."

I talked to L. afterward. She had commented that she couldn't "take" a flogging (J. had been using his flogger on my bottom pretty harshly), and that the strapping that followed looked very severe. (I thought what I'd seen HER take looked harder). But I told her it WAS hard, and that I'd finally had to tell J. "I'll be good." She said she never says that. She just turns around and says, "Okay! That's enough!"

It's funny how one bottom can take the same amount of pain that I do, maybe even more, but remains in control and simply decides when to stop. Oh, yes, I'll end a scene if it's going wrong. Or I'll push a top to go harder, if I need it. But in general, I don't like to be the one deciding when the scene ends.


LauraT said...

Sandy, I agree about not wanting to be the one to end the scene. I also don't like the scene to end abruptly.

I really like it when I am playing with someone I know pretty well who tells me what is left (the 10 or 20 more). Especially if I am feeling nearly done. I want to enjoy/savor what is left if it is a good scene or get my courage up to endure it if it is a hard scene. That is really helpful.

I have used the "OK that's enough (sometimes a more colorful version) when it doesn't seem there is an end in site and I am close to being toast.

It is hard sometimes, not to compare myself to someone else, in terms of play level. I can take a fairly hard spanking, especially if it is with a top that I know and like. But I don't want anyone to assume he can go all Ferrari on my bottom. Cause well, I would have to let him know that was not appreciated.

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

"all Ferrari"? That's different than "all Kamikazi," right?

Did you happen to read about Erica Scott's bad spanking experience?

I think I got into the habit of saying "I'll be good," from playing with D. in Philly. He always said if I'd earned a punishment, saying "please" or "no" during the punishment was like saying I disagreed that I was getting what I'd earned. So I'd use other phrases like "I'm sorry!" or "I'll be good!"

I had to say something, it freakin' hurt!

LauraT said...

"all Ferrari" equals going from 0-90 in 0.2 seconds. (aka no warm up)

What is disconcerting about Erica's experience is that she did do all the right things. It still doesn't make it any better or get rid of that unclean feeling you have after.

My newbie year(s) had some GREAT experiences, but some that were sadly similar to Erica's. At that point in my spanking journey, I felt grateful for any play I could get. Gee, what a dork I was.

Caroline Grey said...

I'm in the same boat. First comes an ever more sincere string of apologies....that generally earns me a few rounds of "oh, you think you're sorry now, but just wait, but any top that knows me can tell the change in my voice and wind it up when I am really, really sorry. If I do feel that I am getting close to my limit but the situation doesn't warrant a safeword (this is most common in discipline type spankings with my partner, then I do tend to start saying "please...please..." I haven't heard anyone tell me that it sounded like I thought I didn't deserve that. I can see that with "no". When I say please I am pretty much appealing for mercy, in a very submissive way.

I love Joe and Loretta.

A.S.S. said...

Really like the way you 'signal' that you're nearing your limit. So much better than... STOP!!!... lol. Better than safewords too. Of course, you have to be enough on the same page to realize what is meant by "I'll be good"... but if you have that comfort, it's so much better.

As for comparing your tolerance level... I have observed that a spankee's tolerance level grows when she's spanked with someone else. Maybe there is a little competitive edge there. Maybe it's not wanting to breakdown in front of someone else (cry, show it's really having an impact)... maybe there is more of a rush... or not wanting to impact ("ruin") the scene for everyone else... or maybe I'm off my rocker and just seeing things. What do you think?


Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park said...

LauraT, Yeah, sometimes you think you're on one page with a guy and suddenly they're getting sexual. And I know what we're doing is sexual, but I don't play sexually with most people.

Caroline: I think the "please" rule was with this particular dom. I don't know anyone else I've played with who used that.

Todd: Is that a hint that you want to spank me next to someone else and see what happens?