Diet rant

I just wanted to say I hate dieting. And I'm really not trying to "diet," I'm trying to "eat right," exercise, and "adopt a healthy lifestyle." But who's kidding who? I want to snack, I want ice cream, I want my "healthy" Sun Chips and Soy Crisps; I don't want to have to THINK about what I'm eating.

I don't want to have to take time out of my day to exercise, either. And it's a pain in the ass keeping up with clean workout clothes when you don't have a washer and dryer in your home. (Over the years, I think this has been my number one excuse for not going to the gym.)

Once I TAKE the time, I love exercise. It makes me feel strong, it gives me a nice endorphin rush. Yesterday the gym was closed in our office building, so I took a nice walk down alongside Morningside Park. It's a hilly neighborhood there, and there are hills in the park itself, so a series of stone steps lead down into the park from Morningside Drive. I walked for about 25 minutes and then ended by with going down a long set of stairs and back up; it was 137 stairs so at the end I was breathing pretty heavily -- but it felt good.

I always have this nagging voice inside me that says, "Yeah, you're doing good NOW, but you won't keep it up! It's only been three weeks." This doesn't feel natural for me. I was telling Rad, my weight seems to hover around a particular number no matter what I do. It's like my body will accept a weight loss, but then will eventually move back up to where it started. I know, I know -- it WON'T move back up if I keep doing what I'm doing. But I don't know if I can do this all the time. I don't have to say no to ice cream for the rest of my life, do I?

I guess there has to be a point where I look at it from a more practical side. I feel physically better if I don't eat fatty foods or sugary snacks. My digestion is better, my mood is better (I really do get depressed after I eat a lot of sugar, it changes my mood), and my energy level is higher.

Okay. That's all well and good, but, dammit, who am I kidding? I want thinner legs and more toned arms by the next Shadow Lane party! Having extra energy and being stronger, of course, won't hurt either.