What I look for in a top

I think there some tops in the scene who feel left out. This is just based on what I sometimes observe at parties and in on-line forums or groups. There is a smaller group of tops toward whom many female bottoms tend to gravitate — and why?

Of course I can only speak for myself. There is a certain quality I seek in a top. But I tend to approach this more often from the view of my submissive side. When I play, I want to play with someone who's got confidence — and even a degree of arrogance. I want someone who will take charge, even for a short time at a play party, but especially if we're doing a longer, more private scene.

Of course, there are times when I play and I'm not submitting — it may be more sensual play (like a "nice" flogging), or just physical impact play. I may be completely topping from the bottom; I may simply ask a top to strap me because that's what I feel I need that night. In those cases, the dominant or arrogant personality isn't necessary. But still, there has to be something there. I still need the confidence, the idea that he knows he is special, that IF he is turned down by one play partner it's not a big deal, he will shake it off and move on.

If, physically, a top is attractive (of course this is very subjective), he MAY have an advantage over someone else, all other things being equal. However, if I see a guy at a party who is topping only women who could be models, I doubt I would approach him. Who needs to be told she is too old, or too heavy, or not sexy enough?

But my main point is that it's not looks by any means that will guarantee women will play with a top. There has to be confidence, some experience, a sense of humor, and definitely a respect conveyed to me as an equal — before and after I submit.

Then there are personality traits that, if I see evidence of them, will definitely push me away from playing with a top. A few that come to mind are: 1) negativity. 2) obvious lack of self-confidence. 3) a dislike of or a bitterness toward women. 4) being overbearing and pushy (not the same as arrogance).