The local scene lately seems overrun with drama. Lies, gossip, backbiting, finger pointing. Yes, I sometimes indulge in the gossip. It's hard to resist. But the main thing that I find so hard to take is what seems to be a driving, insatiable need to be part of the "in-crowd." I understand it, a little, but still it gets wearisome to watch. It's no fun to be surrounded by people who are constantly screaming, "Look at me! Look at me!" And as one person is saying, "Look at me," another person is saying, "Look at her, acting as if she's hot shit. Look at ME!"
Some already have people looking at them and paying attention to them (to the point where they have to push certain undesirables away), but it's not enough. They want to be the star, the center. EVERYONE has to like them, or they have failed.
Then there are the hangers on, the ones who think they cannot make it on looks or personality alone, so they cling to someone they think is prettier or more popular in hopes of getting some of the residual attention. Ugh.
I try to sit quietly back and not get involved in this mess, but it's hard when I'm also trying to be friends with people, to get along with everyone. And I like attention, too! LOVE it -- it's one of the reasons I like going to parties and the club. But I know I can't get it from EVERYONE, that there are people who are not going to like me. The ones who do like me are enough. It's the mature thing to do to give a little back -- to acknowledge someone else, to listen to someone else, to pay a compliment, to ask someone how she or he is doing -- and then wait for the reply. (Hint: that's hard to do if you are talking non-stop.)
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8 comments:
It's funny that you wrote about this subject because I'm in the middle of writing something about my own struggle with Center-of-attention-itis vis a vis my desire to do certain things.
I think it's an important point you make regarding maturity but it's important to point out that number of birthdays is not often a good indicator of that trait. I admit that my own maturity was a slow process that went well beyond my youth into my adulthood and middle-age. I am constantly learning what it is to be a good person on a daily basis -- an ongoing process. I think that the thing you mention has a lot to do with developing a centered sense of empathy. Although we often put ourselves at the focal point of our own little universes, it's empathy for others that makes us step away from the "me" and allows us to focus on the "us" or just on the other person. Listening to others is something that is learned but can be developed.
OMG Sandy. I could go on at length but all I WILL say is this: you rocked my world with this blog today. Right ON. All the drama gives me an awkward feeling not unlike being back in high school. NOT fun times. Lisa
ok..so I DO have to elaborate just a bit ..although its hard to, when you summed it all up so beauifully. The BEST part of your blog ( to me) is this: " The ones who do like me are enough".
I have NEVER, ever understood the desire to "collect" people. Its all a huge insecure smokescreen...masquerading as sincerity. Not always, but often enough to squick me. Lisa
Sandy, who couldn't like you? your always friendly, and polite. I find you refreshing, you always seem to have a smile on your face. In todays world, you don't see that very often. I don't find to much drama in the scene, maybe its because we don't invite it.Or maybe its because we are not really in the scene? How do you know when you are in? Are we missing something? sometimes we feel as though we are out of place, we read the blogs and the group mail, and feel like, "hey, we were there, we didn't see that" or "when did that happen" before we arrived? after we left? I don't know what we are doing that we miss so much, but we do miss alot that goes on.Oh well, we always have a great time, OMG sorry for the rant. See you soon Loretta
Thanks for the nice comments.
I want to try to respond more in depth, but I've got some things to handle today and I'm trying to get some exercise in before it rains, as it looks like it might.
All of the things I say here I recognize as potential in myself, or, to some degree, as behavior I probably have indulged in myself in the past. And my impatience with people IS one of the things I have to look at and work on.
It's all good life lessons in finding balance, I suppose, between healthy self-esteem and humility.
Wanted to respond, but thought it would be asking for attention. Then figured, how dumb is that... lol
In the beginning I wanted to believe that "the scene" (meaning the one I entered into 6-1/2 years ago) was different. Was realistic, albeit sad, to learn that, like anything else, it was a microcosm of the world, with its ups and downs, plusses and minuses, goods and bads.....
The two of you, being very present when you are there, would bear a bit of the brunt of the attention seekers -- the price of popularity (Yes, Rad -- get over it).
Just for the record, we like you too -- but you knew that -- and hope to see you sometime this month.
Marla
From what I've noticed..and know of them, Rad and Sandy just go to these parties like anyone else ..to mingle, play, relax, have fun. I've never seen any attention grabbing. People gravitate to THEM..because they are warm and friendly-- not because of some magical, mysterical "cool kids" or 'IT' factor spell that those who PERCEIVE themselves 'on the outside' think is going on.
I'm not really sure what exactly it takes to make and then KEEP friends in the scene, but, the main component of friendship is MUTUAL care and concern..not one sidedness. You have to talk, and listen..and reach out a hand...not always just to spank with, either. Lisa
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