My book is now available for sale

I'll be vending at the Florida Moonshine and Shadow Lane parties, so you can save on shipping AND get an autographed copy (and possibly a spanking) if you're going to those parties.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I was visiting my parents in S. Jersey, I'm very tired, but it should be a good week. Now that my first book is a wrap, I'm continuing to write and prepare for the next one.

Why we brat

I started this thread on FetLife yesterday when talking to some of my friends in the Hollywood Spanking Munch and Party group, and figured it was worth cross-posting here.

It struck me yesterday that my default modus operandi is to be a wise ass. You can call it witty banter, bratting, being a SAM (smart-ass masochist), whatever. I admit that I SOMETIMES do it to rile someone up and give him a reason to spank me, OR to push his buttons so he spanks me harder, but I'll also do it with doms who I KNOW don't need any such prompting, as well as with everyday people in the scene and the vanilla world, people I'm not jockeying for position to play with.

And I am starting to realize that it's a knee-jerk, fear-based approach to people. If I share from the heart, people may reject me, so I better do the class clown bit and amuse them instead. The real me may or may not come out eventually.

At every large spanking party I attend like Shadow Lane or Florida Moonshine, I generally do okay in crowds because I'm comfortable "performing" in this manner. Then there's the moment where I just want to run away, and I NEED to be honest and tell someone what I'm feeling.

I might share how I really feel very very unpopular because I haven't been asked to play all day, or that I don't feel attractive enough, or that I'm feeling jealous of someone my husband's playing with. All those "bad" feelings that you aren't supposed to talk about.

I CAN'T open up and share like that most of the time. I have to trust someone before I do, and no one wants to be serious all the time.

Bratting and joking around is part of the fun of parties, too. I generally put my money where my mouth is. And I'll probably always be a SAM.



After several nicely worded responses to my original post, I added, "Oh, yes, I forget: I'm also an attention whore."

I'll get right on that

It looks like another bleary day out there; I wanted to go for a walk but I couldn't this morning, not in the rain. At lunch time, maybe it will be clearer. I'm at home working today, which is certainly better than being in the office, but there are drawbacks.

For instance, my cat tends to be an attention whore and this makes it difficult to concentrate. I'd like to be able to sit on the couch, put my feet up and read manuscripts in that position. (This is part of what I do -- I read a lot of raw manuscripts). But the kitteh simply cannot refuse my empty lap (funny, I know a lot of subby guys like that), and he will nestle in there with me, making it impossible to review, let alone mark, the pages.

The other negative part of working from home is that the kitchen tends to call me. At work, the building's snack machine is many floors down in the basement, so I don't visit it often. Here, there's always something to nibble on. I made cashew brittle yesterday. As I tweeted last night, it was slightly overdone, it was too thick, and I should have kept the cashew nuts whole instead of chopping them a little. But still, it's pretty tasty and it's just sitting there in that plastic container. Next time I make candy I'll tell Rad to bring it to work. I haven't succumbed to it, though. No nibbles yet today.

I think the best way to handle this situation is to close myself off in the bedroom -- no TV, no computer, no cell phone, no kitty hugs -- and get my reading done there. Work for a few hours. Then take a walk, shower, then back to work.

God, who am I kidding? I'll probably find some spanking porn to distract myself with in the bedroom.

I do need another spanking (OMG it's been four days!!!) but I'll get one soon enough.