Feeling groovy

I'm feeling tired from being out too late last night, but I'm in a good emotional space. This morning, I stopped at PC Richards to get printer supplies. Usually going to PC Richards is a gargantuan exercise in patience because the salesmen are beyond rude and rarely helpful. Arrogance and ignorance are not a good mix for me; combine that with "I'm too hip and young to have to be polite to you," and I'm done. Ask Rad. I HAVE walked out of stores before in frustration and anger, fearing I'll go ballistic. Yes, I have issues I must deal with.

Today, however, I was pleasantly surprised. Instead of a young and arrogant salesman, I got a slightly older, slightly flirtatious salesman. I was wearing dangly
"Love" earrings and bell bottoms, and the guy was smiling at me and looking me in the eyes. He said what I first heard as "Are you happy?" Am I happy? Um... I guess ... (What kind of a question is THAT to ask a customer?)

No, turns out he had said, "Are you a hippy?" I can't explain why, but I started to blush. Maybe it was just this little, personal attention to detail -- he NOTICED my earrings -- that happens so rarely in day-to-day interactions.

I said, "Oh, well, I was too young to be a hippy. I guess I'm now an aging wannabee hippy." Then he introduced himself. He was cute and I was certainly flattered. I haven't been flirted with in a long time in a vanilla setting and it felt good.

Last night, at Paddles, I had a scene with a dom I've never played with before. He's known in the scene and I haven't asked him yet if he's okay with me writing about him here. So he'll remain nameless for now. Let's just say he's fun and attractive and I was happy he wanted to top me. He made me feel sexy last night. I have not felt sexy lately, and I needed that. (Oh, the lighting at Paddles helps, let's not kid ourselves!)

It wasn't an excruciatingly painful scene, either, but he did give me enough pain to get my endorphins going. He caned me for being late -- circumstance beyond my control because I had a commitment earlier in Queens. But I simply accepted the caning as it was our agreement.

He had an adorable sub with him and after he topped me, I ended up getting to spank her. She had nipple rings. I wasn't really in a sexual mood BEFORE I started, but I just wanted to touch her and no one objected. I gave her a nice thuddy spanking while I touched her nipples or played with the back of her neck and hair. Before I knew what was happening she was orgasming. Oh, damn! I'm pretty sure her dom liked this. I felt very shy just before and after I played with her, but at the time, it felt right.

Today we are going to South Jersey -- my "baby" brother's 40th birthday party (fuck, how did this happen so fast?) -- and I better take a nap so I'll have energy. Hope to write more this week.

Goodbye Rocky

About two hours ago, we made the decision to let Rocky go. He was not responding to treatment for his kidneys and was very, very weak. We said goodbye, then the doctor came in and I held him as he went to sleep.

I can't believe this all happened so fast. When we got home and he wasn't meowing at the other side of the door, it hit me. Who will wake me up in the morning now?

Thank you, Rad, for being there and helping me through this.

He's not crazy today, just very sick

All I can say right now is I don't know how much longer my Rocky has. Not trying to be maudlin, but he's got serious kidney issues and diabetes, and now we're hearing about a heart murmur, which could be affected when they try to treat him for the kidney problems. Less than a year ago, my "big fat orange kitty" weighed 22 pounds. Now he's down to 11 pounds! All our jokes about him needing to lose weight seem sick and bitter right now. I liked him big. I want my big fat kitty.

Rocky turned 16 years old this Tuesday (Feb. 9). Buster, his older "brother," is going to be 17 in another month or two. I've had both since they were old enough to leave their mothers. They've been with me when I moved to Wyoming, to Florida, to various apartments in NJ, to Brooklyn when I first came to NY, and then finally to Queens.

They've been there to comfort me through relationship problems, many lonely lonely nights, and all the happy times, too. I like nothing better to get up in the morning, fix my coffee and sit on the couch with Rocky at my right and Buster on top of me -- "cuddle time," I call it.

I have no children -- these are my kids. As I expressed on Twitter a while ago, I don't feel much right now. I can't get emotional at the moment, because I'm the one who has to make decisions about his care (and whether or not to continue to try to treat something that may not be treatable). I have never gone through this before, I don't quite know HOW to go through it, but I guess this is part of loving someone or something. You eventually have to let them go.

I still have Buster. Those two got along great. You would always catch them cuddling together. Sometimes Buster would climb on top of Rocky and try to have gay kitty sex, but it never quite worked since they were both neutered. It was funny to watch, though. I don't know what kitties really feel, but I sense that Buster's wondering where Rocky is right now.

Soon, I will be back to writing more "normal" stuff. I had to talk about this a little bit.