It's a chilly, cloudy Monday morning. I made the wrong decision when I put on my light denim jacket instead of my warmer three-quarter-length zip-up jacket and I was shivering on the few blocks frome the subway to the office. I hope it gets a little warmer later; if not, I'll use the office gym instead of walking outside today.
On Friday before I left work, I looked at my in-bin and decided that I was in good enough shape deadline-wise to not have to bring any work home. I did no reading or editing on the way home, and this morning I did no reading or editing on the way in. Instead I had a mindless "old-lady" diversion -- looking through "Better Homes & Gardens" for food, exercise or decorating suggestions. (The "garden" part of BH&G remains ignored, since we don't have a yard or even a balcony.) I ripped one or two interesting pages out and, upon arriving at work, left the magazine in the ladies' room lounge. Sharing magazines is the practice at our office. I have a few more to go through in a similar fashion.
My subscription to BH&G is about to expire and I'm not renewing -- part of last year's New Year's resolution to reduce clutter in the apartment. I love flipping through a magazine more than reading it online, so it's VERY tempting when I get an offer in the mail for a great deal on a magazine that I like. Recently I was offered "The New Yorker" for $25/year -- it was SO hard to pass it up, but I did. Also gave up my subscriptions to "The Nation" and "Real Simple."
But I'm rambling here. This blog was supposed to be about my reentry into the work world after a nice weekend. So far it's been reasonably painless. Of course, I'm not working yet, I'm goofing off -- don't tell! My boss is out today, so that's another good side to this particular Monday.
Let me not worry about anything and just handle things one at a time. Let me allow myself an hour for lunch, away from my desk. Let me allow myself to leave at 5 p.m. on the dot. When was the last time I did THAT? CAN I do it?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Uncorking the emotions
The SSNY party was wonderful, but I think I disappointed some people. I feel very emotionally needy and a little vulnerable today. I was able to release some of my pent-up stress through play; but some negativity remains. A spanking party helps me escape from the real world for just a little while; the real world always awaits outside.
Physically, I am aching and sore (AKA "satisfied"). I'd promised Scott I'd play with him first. He and Miranda got stuck in a bad traffic jam so they arrived late -- as a result, I turned down several play requests early in the evening. I wasn't in too much of a topping mood, either. I did top one friend, J., whom I knew would be fun to spank because he's a pain slut.
Rad was busy catching up with others and said he didn't mind that Scott was first on my dance card. Scott's offered to help me stay motivated in one particular area (diet and exercise), and I do appreciate that (much as I hated having to face a punishment for slipping up) and wanted to honor our agreement.
I tend to gravitate toward tops who push me through my fears, those who recognize that I need it hard, who won't back down and won't let me back out. Scott's one of those tops. It was almost laughable, the number of strokes he gave me. There were ten with the Family Strap, then fifteen with a lexan cane, and I think another fifteen with a different strap, one that was almost as nasty as the Family Strap. Doesn't sound like much, right? But the number didn't really seem to matter; they were solid strokes and it was a hard scene to get through.
Before we started, he said to me, "I can tell you've got 100 different things bottled up inside you and I want to help you get some of those out." Then he delivered what he'd promised. I cried. My mascara ran, I was a shaking mess afterward and I had to hold onto his shirt to stand up at first. But he held me up and let me sob a little more.
I did have a lot of things bottled up and this helped. I was raw and didn't feel I could play much with anyone else after that. Therefore, I got the the uneasy feeling that I was letting people down.
This morning some of us met for brunch, and I felt so much more relaxed, more positive and ... happy. I really felt good to be among friends and I was psyched to see everyone else enjoying themselves, too. It completed the weekend.
Physically, I am aching and sore (AKA "satisfied"). I'd promised Scott I'd play with him first. He and Miranda got stuck in a bad traffic jam so they arrived late -- as a result, I turned down several play requests early in the evening. I wasn't in too much of a topping mood, either. I did top one friend, J., whom I knew would be fun to spank because he's a pain slut.
Rad was busy catching up with others and said he didn't mind that Scott was first on my dance card. Scott's offered to help me stay motivated in one particular area (diet and exercise), and I do appreciate that (much as I hated having to face a punishment for slipping up) and wanted to honor our agreement.
I tend to gravitate toward tops who push me through my fears, those who recognize that I need it hard, who won't back down and won't let me back out. Scott's one of those tops. It was almost laughable, the number of strokes he gave me. There were ten with the Family Strap, then fifteen with a lexan cane, and I think another fifteen with a different strap, one that was almost as nasty as the Family Strap. Doesn't sound like much, right? But the number didn't really seem to matter; they were solid strokes and it was a hard scene to get through.
Before we started, he said to me, "I can tell you've got 100 different things bottled up inside you and I want to help you get some of those out." Then he delivered what he'd promised. I cried. My mascara ran, I was a shaking mess afterward and I had to hold onto his shirt to stand up at first. But he held me up and let me sob a little more.
I did have a lot of things bottled up and this helped. I was raw and didn't feel I could play much with anyone else after that. Therefore, I got the the uneasy feeling that I was letting people down.
This morning some of us met for brunch, and I felt so much more relaxed, more positive and ... happy. I really felt good to be among friends and I was psyched to see everyone else enjoying themselves, too. It completed the weekend.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Another week, done
And tonight, we play! I was exhausted last night. Got out of work late again and Rad and I didn't eat dinner until after 8. Some of the folks coming in from out of town for the SSNY party were hooking up last night. I wanted to go but couldn't do it. No energy. I was in bed before 11 -- unusual for a Friday night.
It will be a great party and I can't wait to see the out-of-town people again, including some folks from Florida Moonshine. And there will be lots of playing and good conversation and good food.
But on top of that (and I think I mentioned this earlier), Scott (of Scott and Miranda) will be punishing me with The Family Strap. God, I hate that thing. For someone who loves straps like I do, that is simply one of the nastiest. But he agreed to monitor my diet and exercise plan, and I had one slip-up two weeks ago, so I'm getting it with the strap tonight. Our agreement was 10 strokes for each slip-up, so I'm VERY happy that I only had one over the last three weeks. This week and last were rough. I had several days where I worked through lunch and didn't get out to walk. I had to make up for that when I got home, and it's not as easy at home. But the threat of the strap was real and I did what I needed to do. And as far as dieting goes, Easter week was rough -- I did eat more than I planned at the family dinner -- but I was happy to see that my calories-per-day average for the week was still under my limit.
There is the perennial debate, "Is it REALLY punishment if the bottom is getting what she needs and desires?" My answer is yes, if while you're going through it all you're thinking is that you wish it would stop. Does the fact that I fantasize about it later cancel that out? Hard to say. When I fantasize about it, I am not the yelping, writhing mess I tend to be when I'm going through it. How easily we forget the pain. Or, we THINK we remember the pain -- until we feel it again for real and then it's, "Oh, shit!"
On top of the 10 punishment strokes, Scott says I will be getting more discipline "just because." He's going to use another strap and a cane. Again, I am craving it; I need the stress relieve; I need to let go and have someone else do evil things to me. I should say that I also need a good cry, but that doesn't always happen.
It will be a great party and I can't wait to see the out-of-town people again, including some folks from Florida Moonshine. And there will be lots of playing and good conversation and good food.
But on top of that (and I think I mentioned this earlier), Scott (of Scott and Miranda) will be punishing me with The Family Strap. God, I hate that thing. For someone who loves straps like I do, that is simply one of the nastiest. But he agreed to monitor my diet and exercise plan, and I had one slip-up two weeks ago, so I'm getting it with the strap tonight. Our agreement was 10 strokes for each slip-up, so I'm VERY happy that I only had one over the last three weeks. This week and last were rough. I had several days where I worked through lunch and didn't get out to walk. I had to make up for that when I got home, and it's not as easy at home. But the threat of the strap was real and I did what I needed to do. And as far as dieting goes, Easter week was rough -- I did eat more than I planned at the family dinner -- but I was happy to see that my calories-per-day average for the week was still under my limit.
There is the perennial debate, "Is it REALLY punishment if the bottom is getting what she needs and desires?" My answer is yes, if while you're going through it all you're thinking is that you wish it would stop. Does the fact that I fantasize about it later cancel that out? Hard to say. When I fantasize about it, I am not the yelping, writhing mess I tend to be when I'm going through it. How easily we forget the pain. Or, we THINK we remember the pain -- until we feel it again for real and then it's, "Oh, shit!"
On top of the 10 punishment strokes, Scott says I will be getting more discipline "just because." He's going to use another strap and a cane. Again, I am craving it; I need the stress relieve; I need to let go and have someone else do evil things to me. I should say that I also need a good cry, but that doesn't always happen.
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