Creepy crawlie

On FetLife I'm part of a group called NYC C.O.P. (Creepy Old People) 45 and up, started by my friend "Dictatrix". It was I guess started as tongue-in-cheek, a self-deprecating attempt to counter the new wave of young'uns that make up TNG (The Next Generation). Now, I have my friends among the 30-, 40- and 50-somethings, plus some older people and some younger people.

But when faced with a crowd of younger people, the majority of whom I don't know well, it is easy to feel intimidated. Will I make any connections here? Will I automatically not fit in because, by their group's description alone I am excluded (not from Paddles, but from membership into TNG)?

Do I NEED to fit in? No, of course not. The reason the group exists was to counter feeling different in some of the venues. Many of the parties HAVE been populated by older folks for a long time. Of course many of us weren't old when we started! But some of us were, just by nature of not being comfortable publicly displaying our kink.

Many of the younger generation were raised in a more public type of world, with the internet, texting, blogging, Tweeting -- a more public, exposed way of living that made taking the leap into the public scene not a big deal. At least that's what I gather.

The difference between TNG and myself is that I am not, and never have been, part of any large group. I never belonged to a leather family, in fact, in my early days of coming to Paddles I remember feeling quite jealous that I was not part of one of the little groups that I would see gathering there.

Contrary to popular myth, a single woman does NOT always have an easy time of it in the scene. Yes, I got offers to play, but the offers often came with caveats I wasn't comfortable with. I liked casual play, but (usually) not casual sex, for instance -- a lot of doms seemed to have a hard time understanding this. As I've said on previous occasions, spanking is not my only kink, but I gravitated toward the spanking community because it was more accepting and less demanding.

So, seeing the large group of younger folks at Paddles on Saturday night reminded me not only of my early, lonely, tentative steps into the scene, but also of high school, where I was constantly on the outs. I'm sure within TNG there are people who don't feel liked, who aren't as pretty or as outgoing as others, who have a similar awkward feeling when approaching the throngs. But they are, at least, within the required age range. I'm not.

And why does that matter? Well, for one thing, it means less attention for me! Who are you going to look at? The flabby 46-year-old, or the nubile 20-something dangling from a beautiful display of rope on the main stage? There are hot young girls afloat, much more than Paddles has probably seen in a long time. If a 40-something dom has his pick of 20-somethings or 30-somethings who are just as willing to take pain or have things done to them as a 40-something, who is he going to pick? (I have YET to have a 20-something dom ask me to play -- some "let's play soon" comments, but nothing serious).

I feel awkward in general, among both the girls and the guys. In the ladies' room at Paddles women often talk to each other as they are struggling to change or simply to wash and dry their hands within the tight space. Compliments are exchanged -- "nice skirt!" etc. I saw a young woman with red lines on her back and shoulder. "Nice marks," I said. "Single tail?" I got the impression that she didn't want to be bothered. "Knife," she answered. "Very nice," I repeated, and I might have gotten a "thank you," but it seemed cold and dismissive, as if I wouldn't understand. Yes, you are young and wild and hot. I am old and boring and ready for pasture. Sigh.

Oh, I am not giving up on the public scene by any means, even though I'm feeling my age these days. I still want to go to some of the "younger" parties like Suspension (next time I don't have to work the next day ... ). And as a switch who is quite good at delivering a spanking or flogging or strapping with authority, maybe one of those hot young things will come my way at some point...

The Blackberry fiasco

The bloom was off the rose of the Blackberry just after I last wrote about it. Did not have access to emails or websites for five days! I tried various settings and it looked like everything was set up, but no luck. I planned a trip to a Verizon store for help just as soon as I had a day where I got out of work early and didn't have any other plans. This did not work out any day this week -- and a lunch time trip wasn't in the cards, either. Closest store, I think, to my office is somewhere around 96th Street and Broadway. Just far enough away to not give me time for the actual conversation and assistance from the Verizon tech desk.

Have to add an aside here. The Verizon store further south on Broadway -- in the 80s somewhere -- is much more helpful than the one near 96th. I have not had a good experience overall with Verizon salespeople (Customer service desk is ALWAYS helpful and professional, though ... odd) But this one store I had a nice experience with a salesman and because he pleasantly surprised me that way I decided to go back (see how it works, store managers?) and buy stuff from him.

By Saturday night I still hadn't gone to the Verizon store. It would have been the one in Queens; Bay Terrace shopping center, near the Barnes and Noble. But I still ran out of time. We were all going to Paddles for Rocky and Friends' birthday party, so we picked up Marie on the way. She was the one who'd given it to me, and told me it had been working fine, that she just wanted to upgrade her phone.

She says, "Maybe you could try uninstalling the FaceBook app on the phone." I thought, "WTF?" She was in the back seat, looking at various options on the phone, as she said this. "You want me to uninstall it for you?" she asked. "I had this problem before when I had the phone."

"Okay," I said. "That doesn't make any sense, but I don't need instantaneous access to FaceBook. Go ahead." She did, and suddenly the phone was behaving properly again. Well, that's nice, after almost a full week of being nearly out of touch!

Thanks, Marie. Thanks for causing me grief, FaceBook. Marie said I could reinstall the app (she had done this after her similar problem and there wasn't an issue), but I think I'll hold off on that for now.

This week I look forward to writing much more, now that I have no excuse. Oh, I know, I had no excuse before. Someone should be spanked.

A bit of crack...

A "real" blog to follow later, I think. Marie's given me her old Crackb... Blackberry, so I'm having fun getting used to all the settings. Immediately love how easy it is to see new emails. Now I need to explore how convenient blogging, tweeting and other such nonsense will be from the road.

Yes, I still want the LATEST gadget, but this'll do for now.

Among other things, I'll be writing about my shoot with Southeastern Woodshed (this happened on Tuesday; I topped and bottomed), next.

Time to get ready for work. I'm embarrassed that it's taken me a month to post a new blog. What can I say? "Spankable offense?" ... what ISN'T a spankable offense? Line up.