What I meant to say

That last blog just sort of took off on its own after I wrote the title. Work is on my mind, a little, but what I had intended to write about (which some of you can guess) is that I need a good, hard spanking.

I'm going to Paddles NYC tonight for the monthly OTK party, and reports indicate that there WILL be decent tops there. There's a dom, M., whom I haven't played with in ages. For various reasons when I'd last seen him I couldn't do a hard scene. I was recovering from surgery, I was recovering from another hard scene, etc. But he's a great player, extremely dominant, and will push me, WILL give me the pain I crave, so if I see him it may be time.

Scott and Miranda will also be coming from Philly, with the Family Strap in their bag. I don't know if I can deal with the "F'nFS" again. But I do love playing with Scott. Also haven't seen Miranda in ages and we're hoping to co-top some worthy sub. Key word "worthy." Who's worthy? We'll know him when we see him, LOL!

We'll be at the munch at Moonstruck Diner (9th Ave. and 23rd St.) at 5:30 p.m. Rad already announced on his blog earlier this week that we'll be doing a prize giveaway -- just for the fuck of it. Come early, you might bring a prize home.

I am feeling needy. My friends know it's been stressful lately. Yeah, I know that no one who wasn't going to Shadow Lane feels sorry for us having to cancel! ... but I feel sorry ... waa. (Sticking thumb in mouth like a big baby).

Is it addictive behavior to crave a hard scene? To try to handle, or alleviate, some of the suckiness life hands you sometimes? Maybe. But it hurts no one. Except me, for a little while. LOL.

The beatings will continue until morale improves

Funny how corporate efforts to improve employee morale never consider the obvious. They always do something stupid like putting up inspirational posters, or holding monthly birthday parties that everyone's forced to partake in -- rather than paying people what they're worth, not forcing them to work unpaid overtime, not firing half of the staff so that job descriptions of the survivors suddenly expand to three pages.

And they should provide spankings in the break room! Okay, I'll admit that last one will only work for SOME of us! (Wouldn't it be funny, though, to find out just how many of our coworkers are into what we're into?) Are the real quiet ones dominant in their private lives? And vice versa?

I think my boss should be whipped on a regular basis, and not in a good way. It may improve her attitude, and she seriously needs an attitude adjustment...

I also think my immediate supervisor is in the scene, or was at one point. At Paddles one night, I swear I saw a younger version of her -- maybe from 10, 15 years ago -- in an S&M video. But I like her and if she is or was in the scene that's cool. I still don't want her knowing in any way what I do on my spare time!

I just remembered my office doesn't HAVE a break room. No spankings for you!

More than a little disappointed

Those who read this blog, and Rad's blog, and Shadow Lane already know what we wrote earlier -- change of plans; we're not going to the Shadow Lane party next weekend. There's not much we can do, Rad's mom is in the hospital, and we have to be around for her.

Obviously this is a huge disappointment, but I'm trying not to get too down about it. I was so looking forward to playing with a few of my favorite doms that I haven't seen since the last party (and hoping they were looking forward to playing with ME!). Was also anticipating a fun Boys Behaving Badly F/m party, which I was supposed to cohost with Miss Chris and Auntie Rhi. The boys will behave badly without me, I guess...

I've been putting off writing for over a week now. I can't say exactly what is going on but I have been having a hard time expressing my emotions, here or elsewhere. My last two blogs were kind of negative and I was hoping to balance that with a positive blog, but I wasn't feeling positive so I never wrote it. But I'm going to try harder, over the next week, to write something whether I feel positive or negative.

Thanks to everyone who already wrote or texted, telling us we'll be missed. It feels good to be missed. Feels better not to HAVE to be missed, but that's life.