"I'll be good" vs. "OK, that's enough"

I mentioned yesterday that I played with J. (of J. and L.), and that L. was watching while we played on Saturday night. I had been watching them play earlier, because he's a hard player and they're fun to watch.

I think she can take it harder than me, but L. doesn't seem submissive to me. Maybe that's not something she displays much in public, or maybe she's simply not submissive. I tend to get submissive during some scenes, especially, of course, during harder scenes. I'll say, "Yes, Sir," and "No, Sir."

I might brat SOME, but if the dom takes the bait (as J. did on Saturday) and ramps it up a few notches, I'll go back to submitting. That strapping he gave me REALLY hurt. I tried to focus on my breathing and take the pain, but it was hard. He finally got me to the point where I felt like I couldn't take much more. In a submissive head space, I have a hard time asking a dom to stop. Instead, I'll usually start to babble, "I'll be good ... I'll be good ... I'll be good!"

The dom can then begin to wrap things up (he may tell me I have to take ten or twenty final strokes), OR he may choose to get really mean and say, "Oh, I KNOW you'll be good -- but we're not done yet, Young Lady."

I talked to L. afterward. She had commented that she couldn't "take" a flogging (J. had been using his flogger on my bottom pretty harshly), and that the strapping that followed looked very severe. (I thought what I'd seen HER take looked harder). But I told her it WAS hard, and that I'd finally had to tell J. "I'll be good." She said she never says that. She just turns around and says, "Okay! That's enough!"

It's funny how one bottom can take the same amount of pain that I do, maybe even more, but remains in control and simply decides when to stop. Oh, yes, I'll end a scene if it's going wrong. Or I'll push a top to go harder, if I need it. But in general, I don't like to be the one deciding when the scene ends.

Sore all over

I am feeling sore (in a good way) today. Part of that is from my workouts, I intensified things last week -- ran on the treadmill on Friday and today, did my push-ups and some reverse push-ups; and rode my bike Saturday and Sunday. And part of that is from the spankings, strappings, and paddlings I was given on Saturday night at Paddles.

I said I needed a good thrashing, and I got several. Rad started me off with a hard OTK hand spanking, but quickly switched to his straps -- he had several different kinds. The thin one is pretty hard to take.

Then I played with my friend John, whom I hadn't seen in a long time, and he hand-spanked and paddled me. My friend Matthew was out at the club, too. I wanted to play with him, but I keep hesitating because he's such a hard player and I'm afraid I won't be able to take it. I need to talk to him about my fears -- one of those things where you want it but you don't feel ready... But soon. Definitely soon.

I did get a very satisfying spanking, flogging, and strapping by J. of J. and L. fame. They're a fun couple who come pretty frequently for the OTK nights and some of the other NY-area parties. L. likes to talk, and while J. was punishing me, I could hear her giving a running commentary to some others who were watching our scene. J. had already given me quite a bit and was going to stop, but I KNEW I needed more, so I just HAD to do it. I couldn't help it; I had to brat: "When is my spanking going to start?"

"Ohhhh!" he said, with an evil laugh. "That's it!" The gloves were off, he made me bend over a horse and he really gave it to me then. Oooooh!!! Wow. It was one of those "light-hearted-yet-strict" sessions.

Later, Rad punished me again. He got nice and nasty with me, too, which was hot. Grabbed my hair, slapped my face a little. Pushed me back down hard when I started to struggle. Damn!

I was not in the mood to top at all on Saturday night. The guys will have to wait for another night.

Just did my pushups...

And the bike is about to come out of the corner.


I'm back on track with exercise. I was up to 60 push-ups a day, plus 50 "reverse" push-ups (that works the backs of your arms) every day, AND running and/or serious hill walking on the treadmill, at least three times a week. I got off track after our car accident, where I suffered minor back and neck pain for several weeks. That was a long time ago, now. Almost five months. I've been better and feeling good for quite a while, and all I've done is some push ups here and there (a few times a week), walking several times a week, plus the exercise I get when I put a bad boy over my knee and spank him. That doesn't happen often enough, unfortunately.

There's no excuse now; I need to get serious.

The last two weeks, I've exercised half an hour every day except one, and have done 50 push-ups every day except one. I was on vacation do did not go crazy putting dietary rules on myself. But starting tomorrow, Sunday, I'm also back on track with my diet. Healthy breakfast, no sugary snacks, no fried foods, no snacking between meals except fruits or veggies, no eating after dinner, salads for lunch, no red meat. I think the hardest part is the snacking between meals. We already have pretty good habits as far as not eating at night.

I recently joined Todd & Suzy's diet group on Yahoo. I'm hoping this will help with motivation. Oh, and Rad has agreed to punish me for violations.

Okay, I was looking for a picture of a reverse pushup and found this crazy video. I don't think I'll be doing THIS workout anytime soon. It will wear you out just watching. She does the reserve push-up about halfway through:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej_b-JQjLMM&feature=related